I have a habit of being discontent.  I have a habit of not finding the joy in everything.  Instead, I tend to see the piles of laundry, the stress of homeschooling, the to-do list a mile a long and I, well, freeze.  I stop doing, I stop seeking out happiness, and I become, well, even more discontent.  And, wow, do I become a joy to be around.

I also second-guess myself and dwell on past mistakes.  Because that’s a healthy way to live, of course.  Rehashing things you did that didn’t turn out so great or dwelling on choices that you made when you wish you could have made another?  Yep, those things will take you far in life.  Real far.

And then I hear things that make me laugh….like, “Hey, Mom, you see Ariel in this coloring book?  She has crabs.”  Totally off the wall, but really, that makes me giggle.  Or we do things like go miniature golfing with the kids for the first time and I end up hitting the ball off the course – consistently – for something crazy like 16 out of 18 holes.  And I laugh at myself and remember why I abhor love miniature golf.

I tend to sneak in moments of happiness instead of sneaking in moments of drudgery.  I let the discontented, mundane, necessary aspects of life take away my joy.  And then happiness feels like something I have to “fit in” to my daily life instead of just living it.  Maybe it’s time to start working on that.

I mean really working on it.  

That’s a scary proposition right there, because I’m not sure exactly what makes me happy.    Or maybe that’s the key.  Maybe it’s not things or people that can make me happy, but it’s that inner peace and joy that we’re all searching for that’s the answer.  Maybe it’s the act of living that brings happiness – the act of being present and aware and grateful and tender.

Perhaps it’s discovering who we are not that helps us discover who we are.

I admire those who take risks and change the course of their life to find that happiness.  It takes courage and a kind of “in your face, life” type of attitude.  I don’t have that yet; I’m not that brave yet.  But I can start with little steps.

And maybe that’s where a life of true happiness begins.